


The end is the beginning is the end

by TrustNo1 (giveluvbadname)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Beware of spoilers, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Infinity War (Movie), Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Fluff and Angst, M/M, Nothing's left after the war ends, Starting Over, They're all gonna be poor and strive anyway, Unashamed Fix-it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-02-09 05:17:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12880956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giveluvbadname/pseuds/TrustNo1
Summary: "Time has stopped before usThe sky cannot ignore usNo one can separate usFor we are all that is leftThe echo bounces off meThe shadow lost beside meThere's no more need to pretendCause now I can begin again"Or: how they once again had nothing but still had everything as long as they stick together.





	1. Getting off the floor

The sky was still unrealistically dark, fogged by the recently finished battle. The destruction scenery was something hard to look at without despairing about the future. It would take a long time and the whole village to repair things even minimally. Too many lives were lost this time, more than they ever thought possible.

It was easy to leave without being noticed since all the others were doing exactly the same. There would be enough time to reunite later now that they had said 'later' to look forward to. They would have to start from scratch and it wouldn't be easy but for them it was nothing new, if anything it would just bring back the old times but better with their enhancements preventing them from getting really sick. Then again, living off nothing could be a problem for the others – some of them were from an entirely different reality that probably didn’t involve that much poverty – so he decided to check on them as soon as he found somewhere to settle down and take care of his friend who was way more hurt than he should.

After a couple of hours of running with his friend trying not to fall from his back and hiding in shadowy alleys they were able to cover a good distance and find a good spot to lay low for a bit. It was an old four story building that survived the several explosions probably by miracle. It looked pretty beaten up but if it was still standing then it was good as any. He grabbed his friend's almost limp body and hurried inside, finding the place empty all the way up to the fourth floor where he chose the last door down the hall.

Once inside he placed Steve carefully on the couch he spotted right away. Then he inspected the open plan apartment for any threatening damage, checked the kitchen tap to find - thank heavens! - clean water and a working drain. He gulped down as much as he could at the moment then washed his ripped shirt quickly. He went back to Steve to find him unconscious so he just cleaned him up with the wet shirt, making trips to the kitchen sink until he was satisfied with his work. Now for bandaging, he had to make do with the bed sheet he retrieved from one of the bedrooms. It looked clean enough so he just ripped it just right so he could cover Steve's burnt torso and scratched arms and legs.

Steve came to groaning in pain at some point while Bucky was finishing with his legs. He tied the cloth carefully and let himself sit on the floor beside his friend, sighing to relieve some of the tension and soreness he felt on his back.

"Turn around..." Steve murmured, turning a bit "...your back, let me see."

"Rest, punk. I'm fine, I'll clean it..."

"You're bleeding on the carpet Buck."

Oh. So the soaking he felt on his pants was blood. Great. He got up with a grunt "Okay I'll clean it now. You don't get to move, 'kay? Give yourself a chance to recover a bit."

"But you're hurt too." Steve protested quietly, the pain in his chest too much for him to take deep breaths just yet.

"I'll be back soon."

Satisfied that his friend's injuries were taken care of for now he went to explore a bit more. The apartment was obviously outdated but still looked like a good place to live for a while, especially with the perspective of being undetected. Who would think of chasing them in a place like this? It would be a while until people started to come back to this neighborhood anyway. He found a built in cabinet to find it somewhat filled with canned food, none of it looked out of date. This place probably belonged to some old people who thought about having rations stocked just in case. He picked tins of potato soup and beans and went to look for a bathroom, which was another glorious finding. It looked really good, with a bath AND a shower, both working but no hot water. Bucky couldn't care less, it had clean water and soap bars and that was more than enough. He started the shower and stepped inside, washing what was left of his clothes in the process.

It was somewhat a bad decision since he had to step out buff naked and wet the whole path to the nearest bedroom where he went to look for something to wear. He found a pair of sweats and had to use another bedsheet to bandage his whole torso. His back was almost totally peeled off, that would probably take several days to recover. At least the bleeding stopped at some point, maybe the cold water had something to do with it. He felt marginally better now that his injury was covered and some of his body heat was back so he went back to the main room to find Steve trying to sit up.

“Hey, what did I tell you?” He went to stop him.

“I’m…” Steve gave him a once over “Hey, no fair… you took a bath!” The way Steve complained almost made Bucky laugh and he would if it wasn’t for the pain he felt all over his torso, mainly his back.

“I took a shower. And you’ll have one soon once this hole on your tummy closes and your legs won’t fail you.” Bucky grimaced as he adjusted Steve back on the couch. “You’re not even that dirty anymore.”

He went over to the kitchen to see what he could do. There wasn’t electricity or gas so he decided to make a small fire using one of the sink bowls and the stove’s grill. It worked like a charm thanks to the fancy granite it was made of. He placed the tin cans over the makeshift grill and leaned back to wait.

“Buck…” Steve called from his spot “…is that the stove you’re setting on fire there?” He could smell it, paper and something else burning.

“It’s on the sink Steve, don’t worry. And I’m using paper and these bits of a…” He checked again “…a table, I guess. I don’t know, it’s broken anyway.”

“Hmm. Just like that time when they shut down our building, ‘member?” He sighed, somewhat nostalgic “You put a hole on the stove…”

“I know. I couldn’t imagine there would still be gas in it. It wasn’t so bad though, just a burnt wall, we both survived just fine and cooked for weeks like that."

“Our own indoor camp fire.”

Bucky went back to the living room with the plates he found under the sink filled with hot food. He helped Steve to a half sitting position and sat beside him on the coffee table. “I hope it’s good.” He started feeding Steve while he ate himself.

“Buck… what now?”

Bucky finished his plate and put it aside, focusing fully on feeding Steve now. “Now we recover. I don’t think anyone will come by for a while, this neighborhood is empty for all I know so I think it’s safe.”

“But the others…”

“I know. I’ll check on them as soon as I can.”

“They have nowhere to go Buck…”

“We didn’t either but look at us now. I’m sure they made it okay but I promise you, I’ll check soon. Okay? Now eat, then I expect you to sleep for at least a couple of hours. Doctor’s orders, come on.”

Steve accepted another spoonful, still concerned but for now he could barely move so all he could do was wait.


	2. Picking up the pieces

Steve’s injuries recovered way faster than Bucky’s but still he hurt all over, his leg - they’ve found out it was broken after all - being the most annoying thing he’d ever had to carry around. The lacerations on Bucky’s back were now one huge scab and he still had to sleep on his stomach but during the day he just couldn’t stay still. He left the apartment often to patrol the surroundings, bringing something back almost every time.

On day three he came back carrying Sam. Steve gave his friend a worried once over then ushered them inside.

“Ugh... Barnes, mind the ribs will ya?” Sam winced but let Bucky take him to the couch.

“Found him wandering around, thought I’d show him the place” Bucky provided with a tense smile before Steve could ask “Think you can start patching this one up while I go fetch the others?”

“We’re bundled up a bit too far from here man I don’t think you can make it by yourself…” Sam tried but Bucky shook his head.

“I don’t think you guys have the time for us to set up a party. I’ll go, Steve here will take care of you.”

Steve was a bit taken aback but, to be fair, he was still too beaten up to carry people back when he was the one being carried around like a log just a couple days ago.

Bucky placed the box of medical supplies he’s got the other day on the coffee table, nodding to Steve before he left. Sam watched from his spot, curious about the dynamics there. They both seemed remarkably calm for people who were nearly killed not a week ago.

“You guys found a nice place to settle after all…” Sam started, feeling a bit awkward now that they were alone.

“I’d have gone after you guys but…” He nodded at the makeshift cast covering his right leg “Buck’s been going out, said he’d check on you guys as soon as possible. Sorry it took so long, he’s been injured too so…”

“Steve… hey man, calm down. I’m not complaining. I was just wondering here, you two seem so calm…”

“What about you guys, how are things, um… how bad is it?”

“Bruce has a head injury, been in and out since then but he seems to be healing on his own, thanks probably to the green stuff. Natasha’s legs are broken, so are Stark’s right arm and ribs. I think he also has a concussion but he won’t let me have a proper look. Wanda and Clint are MIA but they were fine the last I’ve seen.” He looked away. Seeing how Clint’s absence affected Natasha was very unsettling. “We couldn’t make it far from the site, what with too many people to carry so… yeah.”

“You think everyone will agree on this? I mean, Tony might not like the idea of being around me or Buck. Hell you don’t even like him yourself…”

“I don’t think any of us are in the position to refuse help.” Sam lifted a bit to help Steve wrap a rag around the newfound burn across his torso “About your old friend, I think we can get along just fine, we started on the wrong foot anyway.”

“But Tony…”

“Over and done, man. He’s too smart to hold on to a past nobody can fix.”

Steve nodded, he could only hope. “Well… you must be hungry. We don’t have real food though, only canned stuff.” He limped away to the kitchen area to feed the fire and fill a pot with soup.

“Believe me, this place feels like a palace already. Good stuff for the bruises and warm food.” Sam smiled in spite of everything.

Ends up Bucky managed to make three trips to the site, only dropping beside Sam on the couch out of pure exhaustion after he placed Tony on one of the beds along with a still very unconscious Bruce Banner. Sam patted his leg in a sign of sympathy, earning a tiny smirk of acknowledge.

“Thanks man, I gotta say… carrying us all the way over here, I never thought…”

“Steve’s friends are also my friends.” Bucky sighed tiredly “Even if I’m no longer friend material. Don’t worry about it, I have no intention of causing any trouble. I’ll be gone as soon as…”

“Hey what the hell are you on about?” Sam said in a hushed tone so Steve wouldn’t hear “Are you nuts? You’re not going anywhere.” Bucky just stared confusedly at him “You have no idea, do you? That guy over there, if you leave him now he’ll waste away, so stop the stupidity right the fuck now.”

Bucky looked down at his worn out boots “I don’t want to hurt him or either of you guys. I’m just not safe to have around.” He met Sam’s eyes again “You don’t even like me, what are you talking about...”

“Oh come on, you rescued us today, I think I’ve gotta like you somewhat. Can’t we start over or something?” Sam smiled which seemed to disarm Bucky’s frown a little.

Bucky shrugged and stood, offering Sam a smirk in return. “I think we need more supplies. You up for some fabric ripping? We still have two bodies to clean and patch and I’m definitely picking Natalia.”

“Oh no, Steve!” Sam groaned “Steve, your old pal here is bullying me into bathing Stark! Come on man you gotta do something…”

Steve smiled at Sam’s half hearted complaints, somehow knowing things could only get better from where they were, even though there were a few elephants scattered around them, yet to be properly addressed.


	3. Cherish the now

Day five found them well settled somehow. Bruce looked way better after they managed to bring him back to consciousness a few times, mostly to check in and make him eat some. Turns out he’s been sleeping through the whole thing on purpose so the other three men in charge were still internally debating on who would try and address that properly with the scientist – and when.

Bucky didn’t leave the apartment since he’s brought them all in, spending a lot of time with Natasha instead. While Sam and even Tony mainly thought he was just making sure she was comfortable, to Steve all that time alone with the widow struck weirdly. Sam just observed but after two days it was becoming painful to watch, and being Steve’s closest friend after Barnes – that was something he wouldn’t ever try to overstep – he couldn’t help but feel like he should at least lend an ear so by the end of the day he left his comfortable spot on the couch and went to Steve with the excuse of helping him with the fire, maybe lit some candles, it was getting dark anyway.

“You know, Natasha’s legs are pretty battered, I’m sure he’s just trying to make sure she’s tended to.” He started carefully.

Steve looked a bit taken aback but schooled himself right away “I know, I…”

“Wanna talk?” Sam decided to offer already “I don’t mean to pry and you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.” Sam could see the shame on Steve’s face already “But Steve… it’s impossible not to notice.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Steve turned back to the sink, busying himself with rekindling the small flame.

“I think you do.” Sam took a seat, leaning over so he could reach Steve’s eyes. “I know jealousy when I see it.”

“I’m not jealous of Bucky.” Steve turned away a bit more, “It’s alright, I don’t… I don’t mind. Him and Natasha, I mean. He’s my friend, as long as he’s happy...”

Sam tried to stifle a knowing smile “I never said it was Bucky you were jealous of.” Steve’s face went flash hot with that “It’s alright man, I’m definitely not going to judge. You know, if that’s the case. Or the other way around, this is no one’s business, who’s you’ve got the hots for.”

Steve turned to him with a pained expression “I never meant to… I mean, he doesn't know. He can’t know. We’re friends, I don’t wanna ruin what’s left of it.” He sighed “And I just dished it out didn’t I?”

“Again, this is me not judging you ever.” He shrugged “Anyway, don’t you think this should be his choice too? I mean, I don’t think he’s the type who throws friendships away like that, especially over this. This guy told me the other day he considers your friends as his own, even though one of us clearly wanted his death not so long ago. So no, I don’t think he’s gonna hate you just because you like him as more than friends.”

“Bucky’s a ladies’ man, Sam. You didn’t know him before and he might seem a little subdued now but this is how he’s always been. And I get that, hell, probably that’s why I… oh I don’t know. Seriously, I don’t ever want to drag him down, I just want him to be happy...”

Steve shut up as soon as he saw Bucky coming their way. He went directly to the other sink to wash the soaked fabric he’s brought from Natasha’s room. “Talking about old Bucky again Steve?”

Steve couldn’t think of an answer. Bucky turned to them after putting the cloth to dry beside the small fire. “I mean, look at us right now. While I really think we all went through a lot of shit we definitely could do without, I don’t know… we kind of survived, right? It makes me cherish how we are… how things are now even more.” He showed the tiniest smile, clearly directed at Steve “I definitely don’t miss my past self, not even that dance floor king you seem to like so much to recount. I know you might think I can’t miss it because not everything’s up to date in here” he tapped his forehead “but you know, I think it’s actually cool because to me it means a clean slate. I’m just Bucky now and I can consider myself fairly happy to be honest. Got all I need right here, can’t imagine how this could get any better.” His smile widened a bit more and he went back to Natasha’s room after touching Steve’s shoulder gently on his way.

Sam stared back at Steve in awe “You know that one had your address on it, right?”

“What… no, hey, he was talking about all of us…”

“Ha, ‘Got all I need right here’ and then touching you for what, the hell of it? Come on Steve you can’t be that clueless...”

“He could be talking about Natasha.”

“He was talking about you.”

“Sam…”

“He was talking about you, Cap. Just deal with it and come rest for a bit, you’ve been up all day on that bad leg.” - Tony’s voice echoed from the living room.

Sam arched an eyebrow. Steve blushed impossibly more.


	4. A bit of reminiscing

Back in what they’ve been calling Natasha’s room – the men agreed she deserved at least some privacy even if it meant they’d have to bunk together – Bucky sat beside her, very careful so she wouldn’t be jostled. She was awake, her smile clearly meaning she could hear everything that’s been said back outside. 

 

Out there Bucky was all bravado, easy and cool with his words. He even touched Steve with an old practiced familiarity, something he didn’t think he’d be able to do anymore. Now looking at Natasha’s knowing smile he couldn’t help but blush.

 

“So… were you talking about Steve or not?”

 

“Natalia…”

 

“Oh come on, you’re going to play coy on me of all people?”

 

Bucky looked down at his hands, he just knew she wouldn’t let that go. Natasha just sighed, although she didn’t have a lifetime experience with James Barnes like Steve had, she still knew his ways. Even when his mind wasn’t exactly his own he’s shown some mannerisms that probably resembled his old personality, like acting all brave and chill on one moment then shying away the next.

 

“Well it’s not like the guys wouldn’t notice since we’re all bunked here together, right under each other’s nails. I heard Tony. He’s right on point, isn’t he?” As he still didn’t say anything, she decided to try and put him out of whatever misery he thought he was in “James, I hope you’re not ashamed of your feelings.”

 

“I’m… no, I’m not. It’s just… I don’t want you to feel like…”

 

“Like what? Betrayed? I don’t mind. You know, back then I sort of knew you had a past. A very important one, by the way. I remember you kept having these dreams every time you actually let yourself fall asleep. It wasn’t me you were dreaming about.”

 

She could swear he was blushing now, even in the dark. He let out a quiet chuckle.

 

“I think those were the only times I felt safe enough to rest my eyes a bit.” He sighed “I know our reunion wasn’t at all a good one but I hope you know what we had was… real. I wouldn’t want you to feel used or…”

 

“James…” She reached out for his hand and held it “It’s okay. We somehow found comfort in each other back then and I’m very glad you remembered me at last. I’m saying it again, I knew you were already taken, I could feel that.”

 

Bucky finally dared looking back at her “And you’re not offended by me, um… liking a guy?”

 

Natasha’s laughter filled the room with that. She winced a little because of her still sore ribs. “Absolutely! It’s Steve, I think I can relate. Guy as hot as they come and I don’t even like blondes that much...”

 

“You guys ever…”

 

“No. Well, there was this time when we had to kiss to distract a few hostiles…”

 

“PDA effect?”

 

“Exactly. So, we kissed, I mean, I kissed him, he was just there like a startled fish. I kind of got the hint after that, I used to try and match him with some girls before. That day showed me it was useless so I left him alone.”

 

“I used to try and fix him up with all my dates’ friends or relatives. Always ended up in one of them going home early.” Bucky shook his head, smiling fondly at the memory “I always hoped someone would be able to see how wonderful a person he’s always been, you know…”

 

“You already loved him then didn’t you?”

 

“I… probably. He was very important to me, that’s for sure. But back then, love between guys could get you killed really fast, best case.”

 

“That sucks...”

 

“Yeah. So we lived on, dating and dancing and trying to fit. If it weren’t for the war and all that shit I think we’d eventually settle down and have a couple of rugrats each.” He shrugged “I remember what probably was my first honeypot mission. Parliament guy on his mid fifties, can’t recall his name. Anyway, it’s one of the very few memories I have of feeling mildly at odds about doing something. Now I understand it was probably the ingrained fears of my youth.”

 

“Of all memories to keep you had to pick the pervy missions…” She chuckled though she knew very well these memories were way better than the ones from of the other, more ordinary kind.

 

“Oh come on like you don’t remember yours at all.” He snorted “Even I’ve been one of them.”

 

“You were not!”

 

“Yes I was. You wanted to escape, I was in charge… it was only natural. You were trained for that, hell, I trained you for that.”

 

“James, it wasn’t like that at all.”

 

“You know it was. I’d do exactly the same.” He winked, trying to lighten the mood.

 

“Well… ok, it was at first. But as we spent more time together I was able to figure you out and… well, let’s say I wanted to take you with me.”

 

“My very own young savior.” He smiled “Too bad our handlers weren’t so fond of us, breaking the fraternization rules like that.”

 

“Eh, it wouldn’t work anyway.” She yawned and tried to get more comfortable on her pillows “As hot as I think you and Steve are together I have no interest in a threesome like that, that’s too much competition even for me.”

 

Bucky helped her settle, tucking her in carefully. She shooed him with a soft slap on the arm playfully “Ah-ah, you’re not sleeping here tonight, remember? Go be with your guy for a while, yes?”

 

He smiled and kissed her forehead gently. “Night, Natalia.”

 

“Night, James.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I had on my mind ever since I caught the first sniff of this Infinity War movie. I know it will probably end terribly for my heart so I needed a fixup like desperately. And oh yeah it's a WIP. Hopefully I'll finish it so thanks for the patience just in case anyone takes an interest. And sorry about any mistakes, I have no beta and I'm brazilian so, bad english sometimes takes over.


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